Archive for the 'Gymnastics and Cheer Business' Category

21
Nov
16

Gratitude is in the Attitude

Recently, my wife and I had this discussion:

  • Why does our son seem so ungrateful, he thinks he is so much more important than anyone around him?
  • Other people tell, us how wonderful he is but we don’t have the privilege of seeing that behavior at home
  • Where did we go wrong, I feel like I have failed because I did not teach him gratitude, and that makes me sad?
  • Do you think he realizes that Mom cooked this food for him?
  • Do you think he appreciates that we both work to be able to provide this food?
  • I wonder if it is possible to offer him opportunities that may help him discover that the world awaits his service, not the other way around

imagesWe had the discussion at the table, and right there, sitting and pouting because he was required to eat more vegetables than bread, was our son.

It got me thinking about this season, and how we can all do a better job of teaching gratitude for our plentiful lives before, during, and after Thanksgiving. Research has shown us that raising kids to appreciate all that is done for them can provide real benefits including greater life satisfaction, better performance in school, more adept at making lifetime direction choices, and even enhanced self-esteem, (which millennial parents believe is an entitlement).  In fact, a study conducted by Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, reveals that cultivating gratitude can increase happiness levels by around 25 percent. Other studies have shown that kids who practice grateful thinking have more positive attitudes toward school and family.

So what can a parent do that might impart this lesson? Here are a few ideas.

  • It seems so simple, but if, each day, we actually say out loud, something that we are grateful for: “I’m so glad the weather has been nice for so long”, “I really appreciate those guys working on the highway-the road will be nice when they are finished”, etc. We set an expectation for our kids to notice things too.
  • Don’t be sucked in by Black Friday, Buy Local Saturday, and Cyber Monday: Of course we want to give our kids everything they want, but when we do they often lose where it came from. It becomes about acquisition and not about function, fun, or appreciation.
  • Allow them to earn their wants: They will want more toys, more candy, more of something. Give them the opportunity to share the responsibility for attaining it. Maybe through chores, maybe through saving allowance, they can help out. If they can share in that they will feel it is more earned, more valuable, and more important. Keep an eye on their screens too. At this time of year everyone is telling them that they NEED more toys, candy and stuff. A young mind often cannot understand the avalanche of marketing and can become depressed or overwhelmed by the “holiday spirit.”
  • Give them an assignment; have them hand write a note to someone whom has been nice to them, helped them, or in other way made their life happier. Have them spell it out, why are they grateful? In fact make it an annual tradition. Having been a teacher and a coach, I cannot tell you how much it impacts us when a student or athlete says thanks. Give that gift this year, don’t do it in conjunction with a “gift for teacher” mentality, it’s not a holiday thing, it’s a “for-no-other-reason-than-I appreciate-you” reason.
  • We have heard about how valuable the lesson is when our children have the opportunity to help a person in need; and I would never suggest that we do not do that. But what about helping out someone who doesn’t need help? What can be gained by helping a neighbor rake leaves, load a truck, shovel snow? It feels good to have someone say “thank you” when you know you didn’t have to do it, you just wanted to.
  • Demand politeness and respect; I cringe every time I see someone’s child ungratefully receive a good deed. A door being held, a sneeze in public, or a person having to side step the child in the aisle at Target should be answered with a “thank you”, a “bless you” or an “excuse me.” I insist that my children carry out these all-to-uncommon niceties. One time I had my son go to the next aisle to apologize to the person that had to dodge his silliness in the toy department. I feel that strongly about it.
  • I used to play with my children (still do) when they complained about something. “I hate these shoes” was answered with “How do you think that makes the shoes feel?” It usually, at least, starts a conversation to get to the bottom of the statement the child made, but I always believed that looking at things from both sides would lead to empathy and as a child I believed that all my toys had feelings, (I’m not sure I was wrong).

So, this year I have set a goal to have my children adopt an attitude of greater gratitude. How about this, let’s not tell the kids. How about all of us parents secretly plan on doing this together? Wow, imagine what we could do.

03
Jun
15

Congratulations Graduates says I

Every year I have written a graduation commencement speech. Someday some University somewhere will grant me an honorary doctorate and I will speak before 100’s of graduates. Until then…

“Congratulations, you made it past the hard part. I stand before you having arrived here by years of education, years of laboriously attending to every day’s tasks, to be sure my businesses were successful, my people were happy, and my family was secure. I came up, not through a business path, but blindly stumbling from mistake to failure and back again until all my trials, all my tribulations added up to success. I rose up after seeing a vacuum where leadership was needed, seeing no one able to step before a group of driven people and unite them behind a common vision. I learned to be a leader by working harder, succeeding more, failing more, looking for opportunities, and still never taking my eyes off of my goals.

Now you are in a place to jump into the world of trials and tribulations. You have an opportunity to realize everything you’ve ever dreamed of. Some of you will be complacent to work day to day. Wake, eat, work, sleep and repeat. That is what your life will become and you are looking forward to it, jumping into it with both feet. Well, you’re not the ones I am talking to, so please just sit quietly while I talk to your future overlords.

What will it take for you to lead in this new era? When people are more in tune with their hand-held devices then they are with other people, how will you position yourself to stand apart?

The answer is two-fold: be more of a human being and be more of a robot.  Now when I say, be a robot, I’m not talking about R2D2, I’m talking about a Roomba; the robotic vacuum cleaner. You laugh, but let me explain.

The leader of the future must exhibit some “rromba-esque” qualities.  A Roomba has its own timeline. It knows when to come on to get its job done and when to sit quietly in wait under the couch.  John Quincy Adams said that Patience and perseverance have a magical affect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. To lead you have to watch for your opportunities to appear. No starting bell will ring and no teacher will point out the right procedures. You have to patiently wait to execute your plan. The successful leader of this new generation will need patience.  And like the robot under the couch, you have to know when to work on your tasks without impeding on someone else. In fact, you will need teams of people to share your vision and work with you. But people will buy into the leader before they buy into the leader’s vision*. You must present your goals and visions with bold clarity, you have to embody the passion that sets others afire. You will have to be able to share with your people the “why” before they will be willing to work on the “what”.  While others will be head down over a keyboard, or focused solely on the unreal world of Simm people and simulated situations, you must engage. Your communication skills will be such a valued commodity in a world where people have forgotten how to talk to one another. Be a speaker, be a listener. General Colin Powel expressed it best when he said “Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers, who can cut through argument, debate, and doubt to offer a solution everybody can understand.  Powell was a communicator. Though his military was a tech army, he was the leader because he could listen, problem solve and communicate solutions that aligned with the overall vision of his Army.  I cannot overemphasize that you need to develop or cultivate interpersonal skills to be a leader.  You will need to know people, people beyond a digital interface. You will need to know what motivates and what achieves the opposite. People need to be stimulated, and when a person who lives in the digital non-human world is given a true human emotion it can move mountains. Without it people fade and wither, but with the right leader, the right nourishment, people will see that you care for them, see that your vision is their vision, and you will enhance your productivity and your loyalty.

Like a Roomba, you will need to bounce off of obstacles. Stay on task and not let skeptics, pessimists and the occasional failure get in your way. Stay optimistic, channel your fears and your doubts into passion, let it fuel your ability to innovate and create. It’s likely when someone is tearing you down it’s because they are sad they didn’t take initiative before you did. Listen to your critics, remove the malice and look for the jewel inside. Is there truth to their criticism? Can it lead you to a new way to see your situation? One of the best motivators for a leader to grow or to create is by hearing feedback that they might not feel comfortable with. Some big-shots may find it demeaning to be questioned or advised by a junior colleague but the truly successful leader will look for ideas and solutions wherever they may appear. When they find that jewel, from a critic or a junior, a good leader will always share the credit. John Maxwell said, “A good leader is a person who takes a little more than his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit.” Maxwell is a leader, Maxwell is a Roomba.

The world is starved for Roombas. We have messes everywhere and a vacuum of true leadership. The pool from which future leaders will be born is flooded with complacent, factory droids that would rather digitally interact with you than speak to you. There is an increase in the demand for leadership characteristics to be instilled at the earliest of ages, but don’t worry. There is still time for you to become your own potential. There is no doubt that the road ahead of you will demand hard work, strategy, and passion. And NOW is your time to lead. Now is your time to learn from my digital tool example. These tools that make life easier but less human. To lead, to prosper, and to succeed you will need machine like efficiency but human quality. Be the leader we are all looking for, be the creator of new ideas, new strategies. Be everything you can be, and never rest until you realize your vision.

* People buy into the leader before they buy into the vision. —John Maxwell

22
Apr
15

Stress in the gym: Stop. Breathe. Look again. do one more.

 I just got out of school. I have a paper due tomorrow that I didn’t start. Exams start next week. Our first meet is in 2 weeks. I haven’t stuck a dismount since Tuesday. The rest of the team is going out for pizza and I have to go home and watch my little brother. Now the coach wants to see a full routine but I haven’t really warmed up yet. ARGHHH!

We all get stressed. It’s normal.

There is definitely a negative physical response. We understand it but at times being stressed can be beneficial. Personally I used to do specific things to make myself stressed out when I was in competition. It made me feel “edged” and the raised heart rate and queasy stomach were things I embraced and defined them, not as stress or as anxiety, but as excitement. I was like a race horse, nose against the gate, ready to run. But I was taught to control the level of stress I was feeling.

We are all experiencing stress. The issue is that without control, it staircases to such elevated levels that we have actual negative and long lasting reactions. In the opening paragraph the gymnast might have 10 stress units over the paper that’s due, (I made this up for illustration sake), 5 units over the start of exams, 5 over the upcoming meet, 10 over low quality practices, 5 over no social outlet, 10 over her little brother’s care. Those 45 units are multiplied by the 20 units of the coach asking for a routine RIGHT NOW and she ends up with 900 units!! The result may be a breakdown, crying,  or a frustrated tantrum, or adding in an additional multiplier by doing the routine poorly and reinforcing the previous stress.

As coaches we need to first stop the staircase climb of stress by explaining that the only thing that can be affected right now is the current request. We have to shock the system by backing down the demands and allow an immediate release of the pressure.  Possibly give them an early release to get the paper done, or something to help them see that solutions are available.  We determine with each athlete the amount of push, pull, or release needed to get to an optimal performance.  We learn those levels by trial and error.

But without controlling the stress level the gymnast will not be practicing optimally and runs an increased risk of injury. None of that is worth pushing through the elevated stress feelings that a gymnast is having.

To the contrary side, there are times when stress is a valuable tool. At Gymfinity we have simulated stressful scenes to help an athlete prepare for that moment when they will be performing. For example, if you have a gymnast that is nervous about performing in front of a crowd, you may want to have an audience come watch a practice meet, or have a time in practice when everyone stops and watches a routine. Eventually through this type of controlled exposure they are desensitized to the stress that a performance could trigger.

In any respect, a performance sport like gymnastics, can be very stressful to a child. Again, as coaches we have got to take steps to teach children how to accept the feelings and eventually control them.  If we don’t, we will not only lose the kid, we will make the sport unappealing to others. Part of the fun of gymnastics is the feeling of being stressed, a little. It affords us the opportunity to show kids that if you embrace stress you can control it, and even make it work for you.

08
Apr
15

My advice to me growing up

 Oh, if only it were possible to talk to me when I was younger and thinking I knew it all already. I have been coaching for over 35 years (yeah I can’t believe it either), and there are things that I know now that I never could have known then. I had a few coaches come in and out of my career, I never really could say that anyone specific was the guy.

So I never had insight shared with me by someone who really knew me.  A coach doesn’t only teach you skills and take you from competition to competition, season to season. A coach is one of your best and most trustworthy advisors. The men and women who coached me, even for short times, provided me with wisdom and insight that I would never hear from anyone else; or if I did, I likely wouldn’t listen because they weren’t my coach. As a coach, if I could talk to younger me, knowing how I was so hungry to learn, so in search of perfection, so scared of success and failure, and so in need of validation; here is what I would address.

Would you trust this guy's advice?

Would you trust this guy’s advice?

First out, it may seem like the world has conspired against you, but it hasn’t.  No one thinks that you are so important that they all got together to hold a meeting on how your life should go. So get that out of your head. The decisions you make will lead you to opportunities, and action on those opportunities will determine what actually happens. That’s it. No conspiracy, no meetings. You may have been given a hard set of cards, but stop complaining about the deal and play your hand. If the game seems like it’s not going to go well with your cards, then make your own game. You after all, get to decide whether you are happy or sad, aggressive or passive, a success or a failure. That’s a lot of responsibility, take it seriously.

Be the guy that does 11 when the coach asks for 10. Don’t point it out, don’t brag about working harder, just quietly do it. The extra 10% will add up and even if it doesn’t mean that you win a meet, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you did your best and it’s really not asking for a lot, is it?  Your best effort will be your prize. All of your awards, medals, and trophies will eventually be lost after being packed in a box in the basement so how important could they be?  Yes, there will be those people that do better than you and work only half as much. You don’t get to control their story and their life will matter only minimally to yours, in time your 10% will make a difference and you can be satisfied that it wasn’t luck, or someone else that got you where you are, it’s all you.

Don’t be afraid of what’s next. Crave it. Look for the next step, the next skill, the next opportunity. When you sit back and relax, happy that you completed a phase or a season you have to realize that that moment of reflection is a needed temporary respite from the labor of progress, but it’s the chase, the work, and the desire for growth that is where you will find real joy. Always ask “what’s next?

The sport is a game. Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn. The judgment is based on your performance at a given time, in a given place with a given set of circumstances. That’s not your life, it’s a game, a show. Treat it like what it is, it’s a fun reason to show off what you can do. Sometimes you will land on your butt, sometimes you will be amazing. Both times are just for fun, do your best, that’s it.

Appreciate the rough times, that’s where the most valuable lessons will come from. Instead of feeling bad and trying to get someone to pity you, look deeper and see what you can learn from whatever is happening. Your education never ends because every day will throw you a new chance to learn something. You may have to look for lessons some days though, but don’t be discouraged, they are there.

It’s OK that you don’t fit in. It’s better to be separated and be yourself than to try so hard to fit in and be in a group. Go ahead, get the earring, read your books, listen to your weird music and wear your hair long, wait until you see what happens.

Mom is usually right, she may be a little nutty, but she has seen life and she knows what time it is. Listen to her.  Oh, but don’t sweat that she doesn’t like your girlfriends, it’s just that she always thinks no one is good enough for you. She’s wrong on that, you will find the right one, trust me and just be patient.

Lastly, everything will be fine. There will be times when you feel like you are sliding backwards. You’re not. You can’t always progress, sometimes you may slow down, that’s OK. There will be times too, to be sure, that you feel that everything is perfect. That’s not right either. Never will it all be perfect, never will you allow it to fail. It all is going to be fine because it will come out just as you imagine it to be. Remember when I said that you have the responsibility to be happy or sad, to be a success or a failure? This is when it applies. Imagine what you want and make it so. Even if it doesn’t come out perfect it will be better than if you never cared one way or another.  There is nothing as satisfying as knowing that everything is just the way it should be, because you made it so.

Now go climb the rope, you need upper body strength.

 

 

25
Mar
15

Why we do what we do (My lunch with Ed.)

I had lunch with my old friend Ed the other day. We coached together over 20 years ago, I coached 2 of his daughters and in fact met my wife at one of his daughter’s wedding. The best part about reconnecting with an old friend is how you re-validate who you are, or possible the converse of that, maybe you realize how much you have changed. In the case of our lunch, I found re-connection to a kindred soul and met myself again in the conversation.

Ed told me how he ran into a young woman that we coached so many years ago. They spoke for some time while in a store. As her children grew antsy waiting for the grown-ups to stop talking she shared with Ed how her life had some rough spots and that there was a time when she was very nearly homeless. At the time she was out of work and her first child was due soon. It was stressful for her but she overcame it; she worked tirelessly to finish her education, get a new position and establish some security.  The baby was born, 7 years ago, healthy and happy. She explained to Ed that she was so happy now and has a family of 3, a great job, a loving husband and a truly fortunate life. Ed, as any of us would, felt so happy for her that he got a little misty eyed even when relaying the story to me weeks after it happened. As they separated and went off to finish shopping, Ed had a fleeting thought. He called her back and explained to her that he was no longer coaching and was retired from his career job as well. Left to ourselves, guys like Ed and I, could wander into a belief of self-doubt that we ever had an impact, or a belief that we did when we didn’t. Introspective people like us are always seeking a sign of validation.  He wondered, again, as we all do, if he ever made a difference for her. Was there anything that he taught her that she found of value?  She responded, I’m sure with a smile, “Of course coach, you taught me to set goals and keep my eyes on them. Without that lesson I would have never made it through those hard years.”

When Ed shared this story with me we both had tears in our eyes because it’s short stories like this that remind us that gymnastics is only a vehicle that we can provide that gives these children valuable life skills. They learn so much from us aside from cartwheels and somersaults. I think that every once and awhile we need to check our perspective and remember why we have this job. We teach perseverance, determination, focus, and goal setting. We bring skills, strength, flexibility and healthy lifestyles to children. We teach physics, anatomy, bio-mechanics and psychology. Gymnastics is merely an activity that allows these lessons to be presented.

I’ve had champion gymnasts and champion teams, but the things I brag about most often are the wonderful children that turned into strong and healthy adults. I’ve coached scientists, therapists, business people, doctors, moms and all points between. I can confidently say that gymnastics; that I provided, helped them, one and all, be who they are; successful and healthy people. This is what fuels my day. What does it for you?

11
Feb
15

Reality television is nothing like reality

This weekend the series Coaching Bad premiered on Spike TV. I had to watch it.

download (1)In a nutshell, several coaches from various sports are brought together to work with an anger counselor. This is all done under watchful former NFL player and current motivational speaker Ray Lewis. There were some real characters: a speed coach that races his athletes and berates them when they can’t keep up, a volleyball coach who got fired because of her abusive actions, a hockey coach/referee that hit a child with a stick when the child pushed him, a football coach that routinely wrestles his players (under 12 years old) to the ground, and a few others. They all call their kids names, tell them they are worthless, and dole out punishments for any and every reason, and this is what passes for a TV series?

I take issue with two things in this show and the very premise of it. First, and quite simply, these people will not change that easily; if at all. These people are reinforced when they are abusive, intolerant, dictators and you can’t turn a mess that big around with one show and a few “motivational moments”. Though the show is trying to demonstrate that they have the power to make bad coaches into good, the fact is that these people will likely return to their habits and negative personalities as soon as the cameras are off.

Next, I take issue with presenting coaches that are so far gone that they become caricatures of a stereotypical “bad coach.” They are presented to us as representative of a profession that really should be held to high standards. As parents we want to best for our children. We want the coach that can get the best results out of our children and we want the coaches that helps us raise our children to be successful and strong.  We live in fear that the person working with our child  could be a negative influence on our most precious children. But the fear is easily played on and we are manipulated. The truth is that 99% of coaches are there to encourage children, training the skills but also caring for the child as a person. These television shows that play on our fears lead us to believe that there is a villain, more awful than we can possibly imagine, around every corner. It’s simply not true. I am in the profession and I have seen good coaches and bad, yes they do exist. But we give so much attention to the bad behavior that we make people feel that it is typical. We never spend any energy on praising the good coaches. Where is the series that shows a coach that goes above and beyond for an athlete? Where is the series that glorifies the men and women who spend their weekends working with OUR children? It’s sad to me that these fear tactics always get the most attention and they beget more of the same.

Since Gymfinity opened we have been approached twice by television producers who were pitching a series idea of middle to high level gymnasts training for championships. We were interviewed, screen tested, and had to do video interviews with a few parents to submit for evaluation. Well, to summarize, we were too normal. During the process (from the second company) I was asked to provide a list of parents that are very “engaged” in their child’s performance. I was asked if we had any parents with alcohol concerns. (What?) I was asked how often I raise my voice in the gym and downloadwhat a typical “Punishment” would be if a child didn’t perform well. When all of these red flags went up, I decided to pull the plug on the project. They didn’t want the reality of children working hard, sweating, straining, and dreaming of bigger things. They wanted another Abby from Dance Moms, a villain that an audience would hate. (PS, I have a friend that knows Abby from Dance Moms and she assures me that the show is 90% staged, as Abby is nothing like that in real life).  The upside of providing what they were looking for would be fame and fortune, Abby’s studio is at record enrollment because people are buying into the show’s version of reality. But what does that say about the parents who enroll their children in what they believe is a potentially abusive program? Oy vey, the problem is deeper than a bad coach.

One character on the Coaching Bad show actually says (paraphrased) that this is how football is coached, the parents don’t get that, but the kids love it. That is when my reality meter broke. The kids don’t love it, they live in fear of you. Your reality is distorted and you are a freak. But there was some truth; the parents of his team, in reality, don’t get it. They value the trophy over their child’s happiness. If they don’t get that their own priorities are mixed up then that is a potential new series. But the disclaimer is that those parents, like these coaches, are freaks and are not typical. In order to get the TV folks to stop glorifying these freaks and these fears we need to stop watching what they put in front of us.

 

14
Jan
15

Losing what’s in hand to reach for more

The following was shared with me by my friend Patti Komara, who owns one of the best gyms in the country. Patti not only runs a great program but she shares her wisdom with neophytes like me on topics of business, teaching, and life in general. I have learned so much by simply being her friend and I gratefully share the following tale that she found in a sub shop, of all places, but wisdom comes wherever you find it. 

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, “only a little while.” The American then asked why he didn’t stay out longer and catch more fish?

The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”The fisherman

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life.”

The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat, and with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually, you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this take?” To which the American replied, “15-20 years.” “But what then?”

The American laughed and said that’s the best part. “When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.” “Millions?” asked the fisherman, “Then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evening, sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos!” (Author Unknown).

I love this story because it shares something that I feel we often overlook. In our culture we are always looking for the bigger, better thing. Our homes, cars, clothes, and even our friends are constant targets for upgrades. We work harder to get more and never realize that we already have so much. I think that one of the driving forces for disease in our culture is that our society tells us that we are not happy yet. We could be happier and we should not rest until we are. However when we achieve the “more” we still don’t have enough. This constant dissatisfaction causes stress. We all know how stress manifests into any myriad of ailments. Then, when sick, we realize that this disease will slow us down and we will no longer be able to attain the “more”.  That realization either kills us or brings us to a place of peaceful regret.

There are many tales of people on their deathbed who realize that what they had in hand was lost when they reached for more. It’s sad that we often have to be in that tragic position to realize that we are rich beyond measure.




February 2017
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