Archive for the 'Children' Category

16
May
17

Things that make us live longer, or at least live easier.

I was visiting a friend and we were talking about ‘the good ol’ days. We got there because I was actually feeling a little under the weather and he advised me to take some cold medicine even if it’s not a full blown cold. I told him that I don’t take medicine and never really believed in it. I explained that in the  ‘good ol’ days” people didn’t take cold meds for sniffles and so neither will I. He answered “Yeah, but they also had half the life expectancy we do.” So I started thinking about all of the amazing advances that have been made just during my lifetime and how it was when I was younger.

My youngest son once asked me if there was electricity when I was a kid, (no that’s not funny), and I am not saying that life was so much harder when I was young, but yes we did have electricity and maybe it just seemed harder because we had to do more to make things happen. I don’t think that my kids, and I’ll speak just for me, really understand how nice things are now.

Portable Video Games

Don’t get me started on the old hand held football game that was just a collection of red

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I always wanted one of these. 

lights to represent payers on the field. That was back when I was in high school, so probably before all of you. But it wasn’t long ago that the Game Boy from Nintendo was the coolest invention around. Now those old Nintendo games pale in comparison to what a person has access to on their phone.

Streaming Movies

I got rid of my cable subscription at home because there was so much available online. If I think of a movie I can find it online and start watching it in about 2 minutes. When I was first on my own I thought I was such a big shot when I bought a VHS player. I rented movies like it was my job but sometimes the movie was terrible. Of course you watched it anyway because it took you 20 minutes to drive to Blockbuster and a half an hour to find an interesting movie that was in stock. After all that you better believe I would sit through even the worst selection, like Joe Vs. The Volcano. Ick.  Cleaning out the store room at the gym I came across a box of over 150 tapes of meets that were on TV; Olympics, Nationals, college meets, etc. I had to confront the reality that after saving them all for so long, I would never watch them again. Too much of a pain in the neck.

Pay Phones

I remember when there were only a few people who had mobile phones. The rest of us used pay phones. I saw a pay phone while I was travelling this year, and I thought “Oh, look at that, how cute.” But in reality, they were terrible, usually broken, and germ laden, not to mention always feeling like a pay phone was a typical murder scene in movies (that always freaked me out). Today we all have immediate access to a phone. Hands free, voice dialing, web access, with a built in camera. This is real science fiction stuff, or at least my mom’s generation never thought this would ever be a reality. Cell phones are probably one of the biggest advances in tech…. ever, and don’t even start me on the GPS features.

GPS

In high school, I took a map making class and we actually had a lesson on how to fold them. I remember driving on vacations and having to decipher the map while the wind blew in the windows of the car and my mom would be asking “right or left up here?” Now our phones or cars tell us turn by turn and it’s so much harder to get lost. Don’t get me wrong sometimes they glitch out, but for the most part they are pretty helpful. Mine even tells me when there is a speed trap, road construction, stalled cars, and warns me when I go over the speed limit. OK, that part is not helpful.

Dealing with hotels and airlines directly

There are so many web based services that allow us to book hotels, rent cars, and buy airline tickets. I remember when planning a trip took a few hours to organize travel and lodging for meets. Now I can do all three things in about 15 minutes. Sometimes it is not as easy as dealing directly with the hotel or airline, but it is quicker. I recently had to book 3 separate travel plans for one hotel stay because the online app had my days mixed up. It may be easier at times but I still contend that it’s better to talk to a real person.

Playlists

downloadI had Walkmans, Discmans, and even a boom box when I was younger. I could tote around the player and maybe 2-3 tapes or discs at a time. Today I have about 3000 songs on my tablet, and on my phone I have 2 services that play anything I want to hear, whenever I want to hear it.  I don’t have to carry around spare batteries (my boom box took 8 D cells) anymore and my selection is so much more accessible. Win for the music fans!

I haven’t mentioned anything that we haven’t all seen on about 50 online “Do You Remember When?” lists on Facebook, but it is sometime fun to think about. We take so many of the advances for granted, but our children can’t even take them for granted because they have no frame of reference. Yes, we now take sniffle medicine but we are also inundated with suggestions for our restless legs and dry eyes. I don’t remember the suffering of the dry eyed-shaky leg masses that forced those advances but I will give in and say that advances have definitely made life easier for all of us. I will also argue that there are a lot of “advances” that don’t help us live longer, they just make it seem longer.

02
May
17

Advice to the new Gymfinity parent

Way back many years ago, when the world found out that Steph and I were expecting our first baby, people stepped up to advise us. People who had kids and had already done the baby thing made themselves available for Steph and I who were feeling pretty anxious about being parents.  “Sleep when they sleep, sometimes let them cry, don’t give him potato chips…..J”, and other nuggets of advice really helped us out.  In that spirit, I wanted to offer some advice to parents that might be considering joining the program at Gymfinity.  I am a parent, and I get the parenting concerns. My kids have been in our program and in other sports too, I have seen the best and the worst of kids activity options. I am a coach too, I have answered many questions and concerns over the years, so I feel particularly qualified to offer a few “remembers” to you here. So here are 10 things you should know about your time at  Gymfinity.

  1. Remember that coaches are people too.

We work for you and we have goals and aspirations for your kids just like you do. We have knowledge of skill and a basic understanding of child psychology, but we are human. There will be times when we say something that may be misconstrued, but we are not mean people. We might forget to return a call, that doesn’t mean we don’t like you or your child. We might ask your child to work hard, that doesn’t mean we don’t understand that they are human too and sometimes get frustrated or tired.

  1. Remember that this is for your child’s development

Our program naturally provides skill and confidence, but we also have the goal of teaching kids to think. Analytically, like why do I lose balance when I wave my arms? Critically, like I know that I can do it but I want a mat under the beam too. And independently, like asking for consideration like a mat or permission to try a new and different skill. We want them to be able to not only do gymnastics but to understand gymnastics and how to think things through. Gymnastics is a great vehicle for understanding many broader concepts outside the skills they are taught.

  1. Remember that coaches very rarely bite

We know that some kids are shy, but we need them to communicate with us and share their fears, goals, and concerns. When we better understand your child, we can better serve them. Shy works for a 6-year-old, on an 8-year-old it can be tolerable, but after that we need kids to speak up for themselves. This is a goal for us, to have every child in our program be able to speak their mind.

  1. Remember that we really do like your kid

There will sometimes be occasions when we tell your child that they are doing something wrong. There will be times when they may be corrected and they feel like we picking on them when we make corrections. We are not. Once we get to know a kid we generally like them, that’s why we are in this business. Our job is to be critical and to make corrections, sometimes it may make your child feel deflated. Through correcting and applied effort, together, we will get your child to feel great about their outcome. It may take a while, and it will require patience on all sides.

  1. Remember that we are striving to surpass your expectations

Our staff is background checked, safety trained, and under constant supervision. Every one of us has a required amount of continuing training credits that we must fulfill each year to stay on staff. We travel to seminars, clinics, and conventions to learn to be the best we can. We bring in national and international trainers in our industry to teach us to be better teachers. We will never stop trying to be better than we are right now, but if we don’t live up to our reputation or your expectations we will gladly help you pack and move to another program.

  1. Remember that Gymnastics is not the world.

It’s close, but c’mon. In the end, it’s a game. It’s a sport that you play for as long as you can and you hope it leads to good things while having an amazing time. If your child struggles with a skill, or they have a rough performance it does not diminish their effort. The game has ups and downs, like life, and sometimes it makes us smile, sometimes it makes us cry. These are both OK. Don’t value your child on how well they compare to anyone else, nobody is like your child. They are wonderful, warts and all. Just know that they may be great at this. They may not.

  1. Remember that Gymnastics can be the world.

When your child is in a sport like gymnastics, it can feel like it’s everything to them. Some of our kids go on to do college gymnastics and some become coaches too. When I was a young gymnast it was how I identified myself. It was why I didn’t party in school. It was why I did my homework. It was what I wanted to do my whole life. If my mom would have told me when I was younger that it was not important, I think I would have been crushed, or in the least, resented her for saying it. Should they choose this sport, let them love it.

  1. Remember that you hired us to do this.

    4.34 x 6

    We’re here to help

You hired us to provide your child with something. Some want their kids to develop confidence, some want their kids to be more coordinated, some want their kids to make friends in a positive place with good fun and fit objectives. Let us do that for you. This is what we know. We’ve been in this business for many years (I started coaching before some of the parents that bring their kids here were born). You came in, saw the program, met us and tried us on. Be sure you let us do what you expected us to do. Sometimes it’s hard to let go, but trust us. It will be worth it.

  1. Yes, we know your child is special.

Every child has the right to feel special. But when we have a group of children in a class, we try to make every child feel loved and appreciated. No one is entitled to be special-er than anyone else. Part of the process of growing up is sometimes taking a backseat to someone else on occasion. Everyone will get their turn in the front seat. It’s OK. Re-read number 4.

  1. Remember that even honeymoons end.

When a child starts a new program, they usually have a great time for the first few weeks running on the novelty alone. The gym is great, the teacher is awesome, the class is their favorite thing ever! But then the novelty wears off. It’s still a great class but they may not seem as excited. This is pretty typical. There are stages to their involvement, the first is the honeymoon, and everything is amazing. The second can be a slow down, motivation is lessened and they seem to have lost a little interest. Kids may seem to lose some of the passion when they are getting ready to come to class, but they do fine once they’re here. This is a time when your encouragement and support is needed to deliver a little bump to get to Stage 3. The third phase is a renewed interest and an acceptance that this is THEIR class and they are now a part of a bigger program. They feel at home and their renewed efforts start to produce skills and smiles. It’s phases one and three when they are doing cartwheels all over the house. The only time cartwheels stop is phase 2 and when they leave for college (sometimes not even then).

It’s often a new experience and it takes some getting used to. But thankfully there are veterans around who can offer advice and guidance on this journey. Many of the parents of kids in your child’s class started out with questions too, it’s OK to talk to them. And, as always, feel free to ask us, we are always available for you.

18
Apr
17

How we do things here.

A few weeks ago I was having a discussion with my team kids. We do a Word of the Week that focuses on character and motivation and the word was “Role Model”. I explained that it wasn’t the words that were important, it was the concept. The concept that, good or bad, other people are observing us and we are showing them what WE are like. I explained to the girls about a study that was done involving monkeys and I actually wrote about it in a prior post about 5 years ago. Here is a clip from that post:

The first is a study of monkeys placed in a cage with a set of stairs. If any monkey stepped on the top stair the entire floor surface was given an electrical shock (minor, but uncomfortable). The monkeys started to think communally and punish any other monkey who attempted to climb the stairs, even if they did not reach the top. The offending chimp was pulled to the ground and physically punished.  When some of the chimps were replaced, the remaining monkeys were quick to “teach” the new inmates about the repercussions of the top stair. Over time the trigger was deactivated. Still no one was allowed to reach the top step. When all of the original monkeys were rotated out, the beatings still continued because the remaining monkeys, who had learned the lesson from other monkeys though never experienced the shock personally, felt compelled to teach the new simians.

The study demonstrates that culture begets culture. It shows how we have no problem teaching the new kids, or new monkeys for that matter, that this is how we do things here.

SaaaaaAZ team in NO

Level 8’s, February 2017, New Orleans Jazz Invite.

I explained to the team how we present ourselves matters very much. When younger kids in classes look to the top-level kids; they are evaluating how it looks to be a team member, a high level, or even how to be a teenager. I asked them how many times they said hello to a class kid, or how many times they watched a younger gymnast and commented on their effort or their skill. I explained how much impact it would have on a little gymnast to be recognized for trying, by someone like them. I asked them if they knew how many kids ask us if, in our pro shop, they can get leotards like “the big girls” wear. What would it mean to compliment an up-and-comer on their new leo? I asked them if they remembered when they would play gymnastics at home and they got to be a team girl for a day. They remembered because it wasn’t that long ago that their role models were on the team, and they were just starting out. It was only a few years back when they dreamed of being in This group.

We talked about what they show the other kids in the gym when they have a tantrum, or when they cry because the training is sometimes hard. Is this how we do things here? And we talked about how they joke with, and support each other as team mates, how they cheer when one gets a new skill, or how they get loud when pumping up a team mate to “go for it”. Is that how we do things here?

The gist of the conversation is that everyone is being watched and evaluated every minute. Every one of them is teaching new generations how to behave and what to expect as they progress. Every one of them is showing our parents in the lobby that this is the program that they have their kids in, good or bad.

Now, I can honestly say that I have never been more proud of our team. They get it. They know they are evaluated by class kids, parents, and young team kids too. They represent themselves, their families, their team, and their gym with pride. They are not only great gymnasts but they show everyone that they are great people as well. After all, that is how we do things here.

21
Mar
17

So, you coach girls. Why?

 

Small talk at a party: “So you coach gymnastics. Boys or girls? Why?” I’ve been asked this about a hundred times, and everyone is surprised when I say “girls.” I think most people just think that a guy coaches boys and a woman will coach girls.  Not true.

So why do I  coach girls? I’ve tried coaching boys; it didn’t go well. I found that I spent more time watching wrestling and saying things like “I can wait until you are ready to listen….” Than I did actually coaching. It takes a special kind of a person to coach boys. I am not that special.

My standard answer when people ask “why girls” is that “girls listen better, pay attention more, and are usually smarter”. Then the universe graced me with two sons. So, I can’t use the “smarter” quip anymore, but the rest was pretty true.

I started thinking about why the difference was seemingly such a no-brainer to me but so hard to explain to others. As usual I ran the self-conversation during a long car trip and made frequent stops to jot notes. Then I did a little organizing research. Here’s what I came up with:

I was raised by my mom. I had a lot of respect for her and I aspire to be a parent like she was. She was confident, decisive, and strong. I realized that many of the girls that I coach have those attributes but often they don’t know it. So, on one hand, I think I want to help them develop those skills. Boys, it seems, are naturally confident, usually decisive (not right or wrong but decisive) and they usually show strength at an earlier age.  But why?

The best I can determine is that in terms of evolution males have always been more independent, had to show strength, and provide for the smaller weaker gender. Females were dependent, had to rely on the protectors and providers for survival, but today those traditional gender roles and attributes are in gray areas as women have become more independent and strong. when it comes to society we are slow to accept this and often the discrimination of our beliefs is unfounded. A big boat is slow to turn around, and this belief that woman are the weaker sex is a big boat of old fashioned thinking.

Developmentally, there is some science to this as well. As fetuses develop, female brains are bathed in estrogen as early as 8 weeks after conception and the hormone bath develops brain areas that will be suited to language, communication, and emotion. While male babies are flooded with testosterone, which develops areas of the brain that focus on aggression and more base needs. As children grow, society reinforces this with subtle prejudicial statements like “she’s so girly” meaning dainty and innocent, and “boys will be boys” which means boys will be rough, uncontrollable and dangerous.

Society tells girls that they need to make the tribe happy, provide harmony, and develop relationships. Meanwhile boys are taught to stand up for themselves, be assertive and challenge the world.

How gymnastics plays a part in development

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One of many reasons I am proud to coach girls, here’s me with Bri Slonim. 

Because females traditionally have been protected from risk they have not had the benefit of learning from their failures. I believe that this is where sports, particularly gymnastics, has a great developmental benefit. I think that girls can be shown that they can approach perfection, seek to surpass their own perceived potential, and encouraged to take risks. I believe that in so doing, children (not just girls) are given an opportunity to assess their efforts, learn from their skinned knees, and get back to their feet, try again, and grow stronger. Nothing is better than gymnastics at showing you that you did not do your homework. Our sport will let you know when you don’t work hard enough, and it will let you know in no-uncertain terms.

My mother, by virtue of divorce and strict Hungarian parents she had to learn that if she wanted something, she had to work for it. She never took breaks, and when she had 3 sons she knew she had to teach us those very lessons and values. I think that as a pre-parent younger coach starting in the industry,  I felt a strong sense of mission to share that lesson with children growing up. I think I gravitated toward coaching girls because they seemed more eager to learn from me. Boys, at least by the impression they try to give off, already knew everything.

Now I have sons and I get to see behind the veil of masculinity that though boys may show bravado, inside they are still pretty insecure and squishy. I think that too is evolutionary. I know that if I had to coach boys again,  I would see it from a different perspective. I have learned that boys tend to overestimate their skills, while girls tend to underestimate themselves. I have always fought for the underdog, and maybe it’s the “Yes, you can do it”-ness of coaching girls that fulfills me.

I have written before about confidence and how we can help children develop it. I feel as strongly about independence and being self-secure*

Sports show us there are winners and learners and that we will not always be on the top of the podium at every meet. I cannot stand the meets and games that handout awards to every child. It doesn’t allow a child to assess any plan for success. It doesn’t validate their real effort, and it doesn’t imitate life at all.

So, I like coaching girls. I think I understand why, maybe I can’t explain it in a short 3o second chat, but I know that I can help make a difference. I believe that I should help to turn the boat and do my share to help the world see that women are just as strong, just as smart, just as assertive, just as capable, and just as good and anyone could ever ask. I think I owe that to my mom, who truly showed it to me.

 

 

*I hate the term “self-esteem” because it’s such a cliche. It has come to mean an entitled attitude of loving one’s self and feeling good. I use the term “self-secure” on purpose because it indicates a feeling of, though sometimes we may get frustrated with ourselves in action and habit, that we are comfortable knowing that we are good and functional in a positive way. It think it’s a healthy perspective on our self-image as opposed to a glossy “everything about me is great” feeling, that is a lie, at best.

 

 

12
Dec
16

The only Doctor I’ve ever trusted

One of my favorite shows during the holidays is How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Way back in 1957 Dr. Suess warned us all about the commercialization of Christmas, though we didn’t heed the warning he was prophetic.

I was talking to my children the other day, they’re 12 and 8 and now old enough to comprehend bigger concepts (Yay!), about what the “arms race” is and what it could mean for the world. In our discussion, I referenced The Butter Battle Book, published in 1984. Where the two opposing sides conflict over which is better; bread buttered side down or buttered side up. Again, Suess.

One of mine and my kid’s favorite books is the Lorax, that explains the potential outcome of the planet if we don’t take care of it. Originally published in 1971 and again, sadly unheeded.  But I got to thinking about the good Doctor and all that he has taught us, whether it sunk in or bounced off, the lessons are still most valuable. Let’s look at a few of the lessons as I have seen them while growing up:suess

I learned to be me. Suess asked me “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” and I responded by living my life by my own standards. Sometimes looking like a fool, sometimes looking like a genius, sadly more the former than the latter. But we were all born to be ourselves and for us to play the important part we must play to make the world great, we need only be ourselves. We shouldn’t compare ourselves to others, or attempt to fit the restrictive frames others can picture us within. We make our choices to live how we live and by doing so, we can succeed by any standard. He even told us “Only you can control your future.” How right you are Doctor.

I also grew up believing that education was the key to my success.  I cannot impart that wisdom upon my own children enough. And of course Suess concurs, learning content is important, “The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go…” What high school graduate didn’t get a copy of Oh the Places You’ll Go (1990)? But who better to share the lesson that we get to choose; we have the awesome power to be amazing? As I am sure you’ve derived from previous posts, I firmly believe that we do. Thanks for that lesson Dr. Suess, Thank You beyond measure.

 

21
Nov
16

Gratitude is in the Attitude

Recently, my wife and I had this discussion:

  • Why does our son seem so ungrateful, he thinks he is so much more important than anyone around him?
  • Other people tell, us how wonderful he is but we don’t have the privilege of seeing that behavior at home
  • Where did we go wrong, I feel like I have failed because I did not teach him gratitude, and that makes me sad?
  • Do you think he realizes that Mom cooked this food for him?
  • Do you think he appreciates that we both work to be able to provide this food?
  • I wonder if it is possible to offer him opportunities that may help him discover that the world awaits his service, not the other way around

imagesWe had the discussion at the table, and right there, sitting and pouting because he was required to eat more vegetables than bread, was our son.

It got me thinking about this season, and how we can all do a better job of teaching gratitude for our plentiful lives before, during, and after Thanksgiving. Research has shown us that raising kids to appreciate all that is done for them can provide real benefits including greater life satisfaction, better performance in school, more adept at making lifetime direction choices, and even enhanced self-esteem, (which millennial parents believe is an entitlement).  In fact, a study conducted by Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, reveals that cultivating gratitude can increase happiness levels by around 25 percent. Other studies have shown that kids who practice grateful thinking have more positive attitudes toward school and family.

So what can a parent do that might impart this lesson? Here are a few ideas.

  • It seems so simple, but if, each day, we actually say out loud, something that we are grateful for: “I’m so glad the weather has been nice for so long”, “I really appreciate those guys working on the highway-the road will be nice when they are finished”, etc. We set an expectation for our kids to notice things too.
  • Don’t be sucked in by Black Friday, Buy Local Saturday, and Cyber Monday: Of course we want to give our kids everything they want, but when we do they often lose where it came from. It becomes about acquisition and not about function, fun, or appreciation.
  • Allow them to earn their wants: They will want more toys, more candy, more of something. Give them the opportunity to share the responsibility for attaining it. Maybe through chores, maybe through saving allowance, they can help out. If they can share in that they will feel it is more earned, more valuable, and more important. Keep an eye on their screens too. At this time of year everyone is telling them that they NEED more toys, candy and stuff. A young mind often cannot understand the avalanche of marketing and can become depressed or overwhelmed by the “holiday spirit.”
  • Give them an assignment; have them hand write a note to someone whom has been nice to them, helped them, or in other way made their life happier. Have them spell it out, why are they grateful? In fact make it an annual tradition. Having been a teacher and a coach, I cannot tell you how much it impacts us when a student or athlete says thanks. Give that gift this year, don’t do it in conjunction with a “gift for teacher” mentality, it’s not a holiday thing, it’s a “for-no-other-reason-than-I appreciate-you” reason.
  • We have heard about how valuable the lesson is when our children have the opportunity to help a person in need; and I would never suggest that we do not do that. But what about helping out someone who doesn’t need help? What can be gained by helping a neighbor rake leaves, load a truck, shovel snow? It feels good to have someone say “thank you” when you know you didn’t have to do it, you just wanted to.
  • Demand politeness and respect; I cringe every time I see someone’s child ungratefully receive a good deed. A door being held, a sneeze in public, or a person having to side step the child in the aisle at Target should be answered with a “thank you”, a “bless you” or an “excuse me.” I insist that my children carry out these all-to-uncommon niceties. One time I had my son go to the next aisle to apologize to the person that had to dodge his silliness in the toy department. I feel that strongly about it.
  • I used to play with my children (still do) when they complained about something. “I hate these shoes” was answered with “How do you think that makes the shoes feel?” It usually, at least, starts a conversation to get to the bottom of the statement the child made, but I always believed that looking at things from both sides would lead to empathy and as a child I believed that all my toys had feelings, (I’m not sure I was wrong).

So, this year I have set a goal to have my children adopt an attitude of greater gratitude. How about this, let’s not tell the kids. How about all of us parents secretly plan on doing this together? Wow, imagine what we could do.

03
Jun
15

Congratulations Graduates says I

Every year I have written a graduation commencement speech. Someday some University somewhere will grant me an honorary doctorate and I will speak before 100’s of graduates. Until then…

“Congratulations, you made it past the hard part. I stand before you having arrived here by years of education, years of laboriously attending to every day’s tasks, to be sure my businesses were successful, my people were happy, and my family was secure. I came up, not through a business path, but blindly stumbling from mistake to failure and back again until all my trials, all my tribulations added up to success. I rose up after seeing a vacuum where leadership was needed, seeing no one able to step before a group of driven people and unite them behind a common vision. I learned to be a leader by working harder, succeeding more, failing more, looking for opportunities, and still never taking my eyes off of my goals.

Now you are in a place to jump into the world of trials and tribulations. You have an opportunity to realize everything you’ve ever dreamed of. Some of you will be complacent to work day to day. Wake, eat, work, sleep and repeat. That is what your life will become and you are looking forward to it, jumping into it with both feet. Well, you’re not the ones I am talking to, so please just sit quietly while I talk to your future overlords.

What will it take for you to lead in this new era? When people are more in tune with their hand-held devices then they are with other people, how will you position yourself to stand apart?

The answer is two-fold: be more of a human being and be more of a robot.  Now when I say, be a robot, I’m not talking about R2D2, I’m talking about a Roomba; the robotic vacuum cleaner. You laugh, but let me explain.

The leader of the future must exhibit some “rromba-esque” qualities.  A Roomba has its own timeline. It knows when to come on to get its job done and when to sit quietly in wait under the couch.  John Quincy Adams said that Patience and perseverance have a magical affect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. To lead you have to watch for your opportunities to appear. No starting bell will ring and no teacher will point out the right procedures. You have to patiently wait to execute your plan. The successful leader of this new generation will need patience.  And like the robot under the couch, you have to know when to work on your tasks without impeding on someone else. In fact, you will need teams of people to share your vision and work with you. But people will buy into the leader before they buy into the leader’s vision*. You must present your goals and visions with bold clarity, you have to embody the passion that sets others afire. You will have to be able to share with your people the “why” before they will be willing to work on the “what”.  While others will be head down over a keyboard, or focused solely on the unreal world of Simm people and simulated situations, you must engage. Your communication skills will be such a valued commodity in a world where people have forgotten how to talk to one another. Be a speaker, be a listener. General Colin Powel expressed it best when he said “Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers, who can cut through argument, debate, and doubt to offer a solution everybody can understand.  Powell was a communicator. Though his military was a tech army, he was the leader because he could listen, problem solve and communicate solutions that aligned with the overall vision of his Army.  I cannot overemphasize that you need to develop or cultivate interpersonal skills to be a leader.  You will need to know people, people beyond a digital interface. You will need to know what motivates and what achieves the opposite. People need to be stimulated, and when a person who lives in the digital non-human world is given a true human emotion it can move mountains. Without it people fade and wither, but with the right leader, the right nourishment, people will see that you care for them, see that your vision is their vision, and you will enhance your productivity and your loyalty.

Like a Roomba, you will need to bounce off of obstacles. Stay on task and not let skeptics, pessimists and the occasional failure get in your way. Stay optimistic, channel your fears and your doubts into passion, let it fuel your ability to innovate and create. It’s likely when someone is tearing you down it’s because they are sad they didn’t take initiative before you did. Listen to your critics, remove the malice and look for the jewel inside. Is there truth to their criticism? Can it lead you to a new way to see your situation? One of the best motivators for a leader to grow or to create is by hearing feedback that they might not feel comfortable with. Some big-shots may find it demeaning to be questioned or advised by a junior colleague but the truly successful leader will look for ideas and solutions wherever they may appear. When they find that jewel, from a critic or a junior, a good leader will always share the credit. John Maxwell said, “A good leader is a person who takes a little more than his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit.” Maxwell is a leader, Maxwell is a Roomba.

The world is starved for Roombas. We have messes everywhere and a vacuum of true leadership. The pool from which future leaders will be born is flooded with complacent, factory droids that would rather digitally interact with you than speak to you. There is an increase in the demand for leadership characteristics to be instilled at the earliest of ages, but don’t worry. There is still time for you to become your own potential. There is no doubt that the road ahead of you will demand hard work, strategy, and passion. And NOW is your time to lead. Now is your time to learn from my digital tool example. These tools that make life easier but less human. To lead, to prosper, and to succeed you will need machine like efficiency but human quality. Be the leader we are all looking for, be the creator of new ideas, new strategies. Be everything you can be, and never rest until you realize your vision.

* People buy into the leader before they buy into the vision. —John Maxwell




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