Olympic gold and you

When Missy Franklin was two-years-old, she wandered 30 feet into the ocean after a fish. The water was 12 feet deep. “I don’t think she needed to be rescued,” her father recently said about the incident.

Even as a tot, Missy had an innate fascination with the water. Fortunately, both she and her parents recognized this passion. Today, she is an Olympic Gold medalist swimmer. Her nickname?  “Missy the Missile”.

When you look at the bookends of Missy’s story, it seems obvious that she would achieve her Olympic goal. After all, if she always wanted to be a swimmer, she must have known that she would succeed, right?

It’s just not that simple. Missy Franklin, like every other Olympian, has worked her tush off. Take Gabby Douglas, for example. Now a two-time Olympic gold medalist in gymnastics, Gabby felt so weighted down by the sacrifices she made for her sport that she almost quit gymnastics altogether.

But did she quit? Absolutely not.

Behind every Olympian is a story of early mornings, bad days and hard-headed devotion. Mornings in the pool, at the gym, in the rink.  Because when you want to achieve your dream more than you want anything else, those crack-of-dawn mornings and hours of tears are all worth it.

Most of us were not made to become Olympic athletes. If you can’t handle pain or stand the thought of flipping your body through the air, you’ll never be able to force yourself to become an Olympic gymnast. Unless you want to succeed at your sport more than you want anything else

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, it doesn’t matter how svelte or fit or young you are.

But that’s fantastic news!

The thing is, while Olympic gold is a fantastic dream, it’s far from the only one.  And I’m a firm believer that every single person has a unique set of strengths and desires that paints their passion. Not sure what your’s is? Promise me that you’ll keep searching.

Gold comes in many forms, from becoming a reporter for the New York Times to saving lives as a world-class surgeon. Once you define your unique dream, you’ll do anything necessary to see it through.

If you want to have your “Olympic moment”, you’ll put up with painful hours sitting on a hard chair in front of your computer screen, waiting for inspiration to strike.

• You’ll put up with the jitters in your gut while receiving a critique on a project that you spent all night perfecting.
• You’ll put up with the dirty dishes piling in the sink when you spend every spare minute working towards your dream.
• You’ll put up with the strange looks from the other people at the dinner table when you say “no” to desert for the thousandth time.
• You’ll put up with all of it, because your eye is on the prize – a shiny golden box of glory that makes you blind to anything standing in your way.

Inspiring gymnast

Just think of a few of the challenges athletes face. They may have to cope with exhausting training schedules, lost matches, injuries, missed milestones, heartbreaking failures, and personal adversity. If they are female they may have to face health problems related to irregular eating habits and menstruation which in turn can aggravate bone loss. Here are stories of 5 athletes who faced enormous challenges and refused to be beaten. If these stories fail to motivate you, then I do not know what will!

1. Kieran Behan, gymnast.

Imagine being told that you will never walk again! That was what doctors told Kieran after they removed a cancerous tumor from his thigh at the age of 10. The operation went badly, so badly in fact, that he woke up screaming in pain from massive nerve damage. Up to then, he had been crazy about gymnastics and was determined to become an Olympic champion. But how could he do that when he could not even walk now and was confined to a wheelchair?

Kieran was going to show them and he started on the long road to recovery. He was 15 months in a wheelchair but he persevered and was back in the gym. But within a few a months he slipped from the high bar and sustained a terrible head injury. He was so badly injured that frequent blackouts happened when he literally blinked. He missed a whole year at school but the gym was beckoning again. This time though, he had to overcome the challenges of that awful injury. He had to retrain his brain and get back his co-ordination. He returned to school using a walking stick and was cruelly taunted by his classmates.

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It then took him three years to get back to where he had been before the awful accident. But he suffered several fractures. Then another blow came when his knee snapped just after he had been selected for the European Championships. Behan has said that was when he was about to give up.

But he never gave up and succeeded in becoming the Challenge World Cup floor champion.in 2011, and his greatest moment of glory was when he qualified for the London 2012 Olympics. He had become an Olympic athlete after being through terrible pain, trauma and setbacks. A glorious example of the Olympic spirit.

2. Michael Jordan, basketball player.

“When you’re in a rhythm during the season, you’re going to fail seven out of 10 times,”- Mark Texeira, Yankees

Michael Jordan has been praised to the skies and is often referred to as the best basketball player of all time. He attributes his success to his many failures because he has claimed they made him try even harder. They certainly did not discourage him. When he was very young, he was not even thought to have a great talent. He was cut from the high school basketball team. He has actually counted his failures and they include 300 lost games and he has missed taking the game winning shot 26 times. Most champions are discouraged and unmotivated by failures but Michael Jordan had the right attitude and regarded them as the recipe for his success.

“I know that fear is an obstacle for some people, but for me it is just an illusion….. Failure always makes me try harder on the next opportunity.”- Michael Jordan.

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3. Bethany Hamilton, surfer.

Bethany Hamilton grew up in Hawaii so it is not surprising to learn that by the age of 7, she was already able to surf waves. In 2003, a terrible tragedy struck when a shark bit off her left arm. As she recovered, she made two promises to herself. The first was that she would not moan about her terrible misfortune and the second was that she would get back on the surfboard. Another person would have been resigned to failure. But not Bethany Hamilton. After only 26 days, she was surfing again! She is now ranked as among the top 50 female surfers in the world. She also won first prize in the Explorer Women’s Division of the NSSA National Championships.

She overcame many obstacles before becoming successful as a one armed surfer. She had moments of sheer frustration when adjusting to her disability. The accident was instrumental in helping her overcome difficult moments but above all taught her how to defeat her fear in scary moments. She has dedicated much of her life to being a role model for young amputees. She has become an inspiration for many girls going through amputation and adolescence through her Friends of Bethany charity. AnnaSofia Robb and Dennis Quaid have starred in the film Soul Surfer (2011) which was inspired by Bethany’s amazing story.

4. Muhammad Ali, boxer.

“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.” – Muhammad Ali

Regarded as the greatest boxer of all time, Muhammad Ali won many wards such as the Golden Glove and an Olympic Gold medal at the 1960 games in Rome. He has inspired many people by his career and his way of life. After retiring from the ring, he devoted his life to philanthropy and charities, especially those connected with Parkinson’s disease from which he suffered. Muhammad Ali was no stranger to risk. From the early age of 12 when someone stole his bike, he was determined to take on any future thieves, so he learned how to fight.

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Many athletes go through a very difficult process of coping with perfectionism and their fear of failure. This often prevents them from reaching their full potential. Anything less than perfection and winning is counted as failure. What athletes do not want to happen often does because they are haunted by fear of making mistakes. This mindset results in more tension, indecision and being too careful. Muhammad Ali was a superb example of taking calculated risks and has remained an inspiration for many generations.

5. Michael Phelps, swimmer.

Michael Phelps is considered the greatest Olympian swimmer of all time. Everyone thought that no swimmer would be able to win 8 gold medals in just one Olympic Games. Michael did just that and he has 19 Olympic medals, 15 of which are gold! The remarkable thing about him is that as a child he suffered from ADHD and was on medication for some of that time. Most people assume that people with ADHD suffer from restlessness, impulsiveness and a very short attention span. But they also have an incredible capacity to remain hyperfocused on an activity they are passionate about. Michael has been able to use this with enormous success. By channelling his energy and focus, he has been able to exploit the positive side of ADHD.

Phelps has shown that he can beat the most disciplined and strongest swimmers in the world and is an inspiring example to anyone who suffers from a mental disorder or other disability. He has another secret in that he uses the power of visualizing success before he starts any swim. He started this process when he was only 7 years old. He realized there were no limits to success and once you are passionate about your objective, nothing can stop you.

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“Nobody is going to put a limit on what I’m doing. I’m going to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. That is how I have always worked. If I want something I am going to go and get it.”- Michael Phelps.

If you feel exhausted or discouraged after your next marathon, just think about one of these inspiring champions before you actually give up!

What works about failure

Before we start I just want to point out that over the years, I have tried to eradicate the word failure from my vocab. It’s harsh, negative and not an accurate reflection of the situation that occurred. However I use the word failure here, as the alternative title “why not doing things as well as one hoped would turn out is actually a good thing” is a bit of a mouthful.

The Oxford English Dictionary’s definition of failure is simply “a lack of success” which actually isn’t as hard a definition as we humans seem to translate it into. We seem to think that the definition of failure is being a let-down, unworthy, or useless. Just this fact alone highlights to me that “failure” isn’t as bad as we think, but is it any good for us?

Over the years I have failed at many things: passing my driving test the first time, my AS levels, a business venture with my dad, the cheesecake addiction and I could go on and on. But then again I have also not failed at so much more: I won two gold medals in an international martial arts competition, I successfully travelled Australia on my own, I am grade 5 in piano, and I’m finally leaning Japanese. However I seem to have a terrible habit of dwelling on the negatives rather than celebrating and relishing in the positives. I suspect I am not the only one either.

Society seems to have a huge hang up on failure, using it to define us, stop us from trying again and living the life we want. But I strongly believe that failure is in fact a good 

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thing and that we could all do with a healthy dose of it once in a while. Here are 6 reasons why failure is actually beneficial. Use them to your advantage.

Failure benefit #1:  It provides a reality check on where we are at

When I failed my AS levels I was devastated. I felt that I had seriously and irreversibly failed. My dream since I was 13 was to go to university and be the first of my family to attend a university. I knew that if I didn’t get good A level grades I would lose my chance. It also didn’t help what the career advisor had said that I wasn’t academic enough to go to university. However why did I fail my AS levels, if university was something I had dreamed of for the past 4 years?! Put simply, I wasn’t in the right mind frame. I wasn’t happy and that was having bad effect on my study. Sometimes failing at something, even if you truly desire it, is an indication that something elsewhere isn’t right. Use failure as a light to reveal what is really going on with your situation.

Failure benefit #2: The lessons learned are priceless

A few years ago, my parents and I bought a guesthouse and bar in Cambodia with a friend of my dad’s as a partner in the venture – the expat’s dream of sun, sea and serving drinks to happy holiday makers and fellow expats who have escaped the rat race. Bliss. However, 9 months down the line and we had lost our investment and sold our share. We cut our losses and got out. The dream was gone. It has always been my ambition since I was 15 to open my own businesses, mainly a tea room, so buying the bar was an exciting venture and adventure. How did our dream go wrong so quickly?

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In hindsight, because we didn’t manage it as well as we could have from the very start and problem after problem meant that our profit was being eaten into like a hungry caterpillar. After the initial hurt and anger I came to realise that the lessons learned from this failure are priceless. I learned a great deal about carving out a business plan, forging a successful business partnership and how the small details in business matter. If I could turn back time, would I do this all again? Hell yes! I learned more with the failure of the guesthouse and bar then I ever would from a guru’s “how to” book. Failure gives you an opportunity to learn from your mistaken actions and do what’s right the next time round.

Failure benefit #3: This isn’t a “one shot only” world

Luckily for us, we live in a prosperous world, one where there isn’t just one opportunity to do anything. There are always second chances. Sometimes third. For Edison, there were 1,000 chances to invent the light bulb! If you fail once, then try again. Just don’t be foolish enough to make the same mistakes again. When I was younger and new to the property game (I as fortunate to be able to buy a flat to rent at 19 with an inheritance) I made the cardinal sin of being too soft, not collecting rent and being too lenient as the month’s rolled on and I hadn’t received a cheque from my tenant.

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One year later, a looming court case, an emotional rollercoaster and £5,000 down, I had well and truly failed. However, will I make this mistake again? No. I have learned, moved on, recovering my losses and now looking to buy my second property to rent. Failure teaches us to learn from our mistakes so that the next time we can avoid making the same ones. There will be another time – this world is full of second chances and opportunities, just don’t be too blinded from the hurt of your previous failure to see them.

Failure benefit #4: It builds strength of character

Anyone can be the hero when times are good but how do you measure up when the going gets tough? Do you crumble like a sandcastle or do you stand your ground and keep smiling, focusing on where you want to be? Take a moment to think about that before you consider yourself a failure. Going through a failure is a remarkable test of your character, your courage, your determination and your mind set. I truly believe that it isn’t until you’ve been through the worse that you can truly appreciate the best. Failure is kind of like a bench mark. It will show you what you are made of. Hopefully it’s steel.

Failure benefit #5: It drives you on

You can use the experience of failure to your advantage or not. The best way to use it is to help spur you on to do better next time. Use it as a tool for determination and grit to drive towards success. Don’t use it to drive you towards a box of tissues and cowering under the duvet.

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Failure benefit #6: Those who have failed before made in the long run

If you think that those who “made it” were lucky or that it was handed to them on a plate, then think again. Here are some of my favourite success-over-failure stories. I hope they motivate you as much as they do me.

Steven Spielberg was rejected from the University of Southern California School of Theatre, Film and Television… three times! Whilst he did eventually attend school at another location, he did so only to drop out to become a director before finishing. He didn’t give up however and 35 years after starting his degree, Spielberg returned to school in 2002 to finally complete his work and earn his BA.

Steve Jobs was technically a failure as a college dropout, a fired tech executive and an unsuccessful businessman. At 30 years old he was actually removed from the company he founded. In a 2005 commencement speech at Stanford University, Jobs explained, “I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.”

Sylvester Stallone had it rough as a child, being taunted in school and constantly in and out of foster homes. As an adult, things didn’t improve as he was unable to earn a steady income, and even had to sell his dog for $25.00 to help pay his electricity bill. It was only 2 weeks after selling his dog that he wrote the Rocky

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script in nearly 20 hours straight. After being rejected over 1,500 times (that’s more than Edison’s failure!), Stallone was given a nod by United Artists for $125,000… but only if Stallone would not star in it. Stallone refused. Even when he was subsequently offered $250,000 and $325,000, he still refused as he wanted to star in it. He finally reached a compromise, starring in the film but only taking $35,000 and a percentage of profits as a concession. What was Stallone’s first purchase with his $35,000? His beloved dog, for $15,000!  But I am sure he could afford it seeing as Rocky grossed over $200,000,000 and his sequels grossed over a billion dollars!!

“When life knocks you down, try and land on your back, because if you can look up, you can get up” – Les Brown

Never Quit!

30 days to conquer fear

Fear….The emotion is sparked off each time there is pain, evil or danger in some context or another.

In essence, the emotion is aroused in cases where the impending threat is a reality or even just imagined. You feel afraid whether there is something to fear or in some cases when there is no actual need to be afraid.

Karl Menninger :“Fears are educated into us, and can if we wish, be educated out.”

Fear is a tool for utmost resilience to escape danger. A bounce back survival mechanism. Adrenaline is released into our bloodstream with resulting biological reactions.

Our reflexes and senses are heightened to help us escape real physical danger. We reach the ‘fight or flight’ mode ¹

When you feel fear your brain signals the nervous system, the heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, breathing becomes faster, and stress hormones are released. Blood from the heart flows out in preparation for leg and arms to take action.

So basically the brain shuts down the body down and prepares it for action. The ability to reason and think decreases. Some may even feel like time is slowing down and have tunnel vision, trying to make sense of what is happening. These symptoms make it hard to be logical and stay grounded situations. The response of the body to stress or fear is in itself stressful .

Fear is a useful aid in real danger but not if the danger is self-perceived and unlikely to cause any real harm. Fear can be a drawback.

Fear holds you back if you do not need it. One such example is stage fright when making career moves. We end up making the wrong decisions due to the biological reactions of fear.

We need to be firmly grounded to deal calmly and logically with situations and not be overstimulated

The fact is 99% of times fear that is experience is fear that is non-physical. Fear existing in our minds. We think we are in danger when in actual fact we are not.

Common fears include:

• Fear of speaking in public
• Fear of other people and strangers
• Fear of authority and judgment
• Fear of losing or failure
• Fear of change
• Fear of being humiliated.
• Fear of aging
• Fear of loneliness
• Fear of disappointment

Everybody will definitely relate to one or more of these fears at some life phase or the other, even if it is for a short time or on a subconscious level.

Even the most successful people cannot claim to be fearless. They trained themselves to take action despite fear. Halt judging yourself if you have fear. It is as normal as having the flu.

Do you fear being rejected? Are you afraid that you are not good enough and that people will figure out that you are not clever, perfect or funny enough? Do you fear failure, and what about success, do you fear success?

Fears live inside of you and follow you like shadows. The good news ² is that you have the power and strength and practice resilience to rise above any fear!

We need to overcome mental fear. We need to analyze the root cause of fear and how to overcome it.

Why plan to overcome fear?

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds’ Redemption song- Bob Marley

The main reason is that fear limits your potential. Personal growth is about living life the best you can. Fear is a block hat prevents personal progress and growth. David Hawkins in his book ‘Power vs Force’ ³ refers to fear as the 5th lowest level in the consciousness map of seventeen levels.

If you entrench yourself in illusions of fear ⁴ you cannot rise to higher levels of consciousness like acceptance, courage, love, peace, joy, and enlightenment.

The 30-day plan to overcome fear

Studies (University of Cambridge: Reconditioning the brain to overcome fear))indicate that we can conquer fear by continual exposure to them. Whether it is extreme sports, spiders, snakes or horror movies, our tolerance grows with more exposure. We learn the fear we have been harvesting is not actually harmful.

Make a list of your most significant fears. Do one thing every day that scares you and rewards yourself for completing the challenge to overcome the fear.

Day 1

On the first day make a note to alleviate all words with negative contractions for the next thirty days. Note all the usual sentences with the words like ‘won’t’ or ‘can’t.’ Flip the focus of your sentences and focus on the positive. Change the negative to positive For example, instead of saying ‘I do not want’ say ‘I would rather’. This defaults the negative. Use this day to practice flipping over all negatives that you will practice for the next thirty days. Start your ‘fear journal’ ⁵

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ Eleanor Roosevelt

Day 2

Wake up and put on running shoes or head straight to the gym. The goal here is to stop procrastinating. Begin with this as a daily ritual.

If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. Dale Carnegie

Day 3

Create a space in your daily calendar. What would you do if you have a free hour set out for yourself every day? Read, Exercise, or play with the kids? That single hour needs to impact on life for the better. Set out priorities and make ‘me’ time an hour a day. You will be surprised how much more gets accomplished in a day

Day 4

Afraid of speaking in a public forum? Get on stage. Get involved in community forums. Go to an event in your neighborhood, raise your hand, affirm your opinion and take the stage!

The action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all. Norman Vincent Peale

Day 5

Your birthday arrives and instead of celebrating you are shuddering to look at the fact that it may take a long time to count the birthday candles? Are you afraid of aging?

Do yourself a favor. Hire a makeup artist, find an aging character image and play the part, be old for the day. Observe reactions around you. You will most likely lose the fear of aging.

I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship. Louisa May Alcott

Day 6

Afraid of being stung by bees? Contact the nearest beekeeper association in your district and venture to be a beekeeper for the day!

Boldness is a mask for fear, however great. John Dryden

Day 7

Are you afraid of authority? Maybe your supervisor? Take a day to set a meeting to let it out. If not ready to directly approach the person in question, it can be with someone you trust or a professional as well. Talking to others relieves stress and you gain a brand new perspective.

Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear. Albert Camus

Day 8

Rule out expectations. Examine what expectations you have of others and yourself. What constraints does it have on your relationships with others if you did not have expectations of them?

Our expectations are formed based on life experiences, culture, upbringing, and religion. Suspend judgment and open your mind to brand new possibilities.

Too much self-centered attitude, you see, brings, you see, isolation. Result: loneliness, fear, anger. The extreme self-centered attitude is the source of suffering. Dalai Lama

Day 9

Do you share similar fears with others? How about setting up a group session and learning from each other?

Day 10

Afraid of public spaces and judgments. Set the day. Go to a local celebration and dance the night away like you are in front of your own mirror and no one is watching you!

Willpower is the key to success. Successful people strive no matter what they feel by applying their will to overcome apathy, doubt or fear. Dan Millman

Day 11

Go to an amusements park. Get some shivers with half a mile and half a mile back. Take a roller coaster ride.

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. Nelson Mandela

Day 12

Always worried about your image and how people will perceive you? Quit spending that morning hour in from of the mirror. Spend the day outside in your pajamas.

The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate, to tell the truth, that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls. Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Day 13

Stayed away from certain kinds of foods? Spend a full day on a meal plan with dishes you never tried before.

Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will. James Stephens

Day 14

Get out in the world. Explore the unexplored. Plan a cultural tour of an existing ethnic tribe.

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown. H. P. Lovecraft

Day 15

If you are afraid of losing people close to you, take an initiative to write letters expressing gratitude to loved ones and close family.

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world. Jack Layton

Day 16

If you are afraid of solitude, spend a full day alone with no mobile devices and interaction for a full day.

He who is overly attached to other experiences fear and sorrow, for the root of all grief is attachment. Thus one should discard attachment to be happy. Chanakya

Day 17

Make contact with role models you wish to meet one day but never had the courage to approach.

Day 18

If you fear getting lost. Take a different route home. Explore and change direction

Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time to figure out whether you like it or not.Virgil Thomson

Day 19

Launch the project that you have been procrastinating. Break open the padlock of fear that resulted in procrastination until now.

The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. John C. Maxwell

Day 20

Have you been in constant disagreements with a family member, friend or colleague and cut off ties for some time? Be resilient, take the initiative to set up a meeting of to resolve the issue and maybe reconcile.

You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.Eric Hoffer

Day 21

A work related fear? We all have some kind of fear when it comes to our tasks. What are yours? Confront that fear and put it in perspective. Resolve the issue at hand

Day 22

Do you have social anxiety? Go out there and accept that invitation. This time does not recluse in a corner. In fact leave your smartphone at home that day, or keep it inside your bag.

Day 23

Has it been a while and you keep wondering why you are snoozing off and feeling tired or your appetite has kept you munching all day? Book and appointment with your doctor and get a full health check up.

Day 24

Do you maybe you felt like crouching in a corner waiting for the end of the world? Are you down and out, grouchy or feeling lousy? Book an appointment with a therapist.

Day 25

Afraid of heights. Challenge yourself to do the next mountain climbing expedition. The start of by taking an escalator to the top in the tallest high building in your region and look down!

“Step by step we get ahead, not necessarily in fast spurts. But you build discipline by preparing for the fast spurts.” – Charlie Munger

Day 26

Holding back to ask a special someone to accompany you on an outing? Take the plunge and make the date.

If fear is the great enemy of intimacy, love is its true friend. Henri Nouwen

Day 27

Plan those special journeys. See places. Do things you always wanted to.

There’s no fear when you’re having fun. Will Thomas

Day 28

Make a list of all you wish to complete and all the mistakes you fear. Remember do not be afraid of perfection as you will never be perfect. Mistakes are life lessons.

The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. John C. Maxwell

Day 29

Celebrate a love for life. Release brakes and be free, let go. Release hurt. Release fear. Stop entertaining past pain. The energy that is consumed by hanging on to past trials is halting innovation into a new life. Take this day to journal one thing you let go of.

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Day 30

Reflect on every challenge you have accomplished and start afresh. Follow the master plan and alleviate all fears harvested and all those that will sprout.

Breathe. Meditate. Meditation and deep breathing regulate emotions.

Bloom out in a new spread of life.

At the end of the day, we must go forward with hope and not backward by fear and division. Jesse Jackson

Challenging your fears is taking time for a soul reflection. Every one of us has fears limiting life paths. We can transform our resistance and fear by shining light on them. Some release early, some can take time. By taking on the challenge to strengthen resilience and counteract fears we move in a wavelength of an authentic realm.

Why are kids dropping out of sports?

Whether young or old, rich or poor, Canadians are less active these days. In fact, according to a new study, our participation in sports is at an all-time low. But why? Are Canadians getting lazier? More complacent? More distracted? In the first of two parts, we examine some of the problems with our approach to youth athletics. Part 2 looks at why adults are dropping out of sports.

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At a time when sports appear to be more popular than ever at elite levels, participation rates across age groups continue to decline, according to a new study prepared by Vital Signs and the True Sport Foundation.

“Eighty-five per cent of Canadians agree that sport participation builds stronger communities, but at the same time we are seeing a dramatic drop in sport participation across the country,” says Lee Rose of Vital Signs.

Perhaps most troubling is that many kids are deciding to hang up their cleats or sneakers or skates at a young age.

By about age 13, many youngsters have already stepped away from an active life style. And it can’t simply be chalked up to laziness, video games or “kids these days.”

In fact, adults should get much of the blame. Most kids quit because they think they’re not good enough — a by-product, experts say, of the hyper-competitive environment that lords over most youth sports.

“Just because a kid at age 10 isn’t on a scholarship track doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be a place for them in the game,” says John O’Sullivan, founder of the Changing the Game Project, a Portland, Ore.-based organization trying to put the “play” back in “play ball.”

Obsessed with the best

Nearly three quarters of Canadians — 73 per cent — agree, saying that children’s sports have become too focused on winning at the exclusion of fun and fair play, according to the study.

And yet, our continued obsession with rooting out the “best” players at an early age is having a devastating effect, O’Sullivan says.

“The problem is we are trying to select out the ‘talent’ far, far too young, by starting highly tiered teams with cuts. We’re saying these eight-year-olds are on the top team, so they get the best coaching and best facilities, and these other kids go down this house league track. ”

O’Sullivan says this makes little sense, even if your only goal is to develop the top athletes.

“We cannot know at that age which kids will make it and which kids won’t. What the science says is we are best off training as many kids as possible with the best coaches and best environment as long as we can, letting them grow and then seeing what happens.

“But to say we are only going to focus on these 10 or 12 kids is crazy.”

Indeed, the desire to select and specialize can actually backfire on parents and coaches who have big dreams for their young athletes.

Karri Dawson is director of the True Sport Foundation, a national charitable organization dedicated to advancing sport in Canada and a partner on the study with Vital Signs.

She says parents should look at athletes on Canada’s Olympic teams.

“Chances are they were multi-sport athletes,” she says. “They played hockey in the winter, soccer in the summer and they participated in different sports at school. They cross-trained, and they exercised all kinds of different muscles and abilities that one day made them gifted at a particular sport.”

Rising costs

Even if children are able to navigate the ultra-competitive landscape of youth sports, and even if they actually have the skills to compete at the highest level, it still may not be enough.

The Vital Signs/True Sport Foundation study finds that the rising cost of sports is also a barrier for many families. The most recent data shows that six out of 10 children from low-income households are active in sports, compared with 8.5 out of 10 from families with incomes over $80,000.

“Some people believe sports are no longer seasonal, that children should be participating all year long,” says Dawson. “There was a time when hockey was October to February. Now you have spring hockey and summer hockey and conditioning camps. When you add it all up, it increases the cost of sport.”

In addition to the socioeconomic gap, there’s a gender element to Canada’s sports squeeze. According to the study, one in three men in this country regularly participate in sports, compared with one in six women. That’s partly because girls are less likely to be active when they are younger and more likely to drop out earlier than boys.

But there are ways to fix the problem, says Dawson.

Role models

“I think part of it is creating new sport experiences, creating programs that are specific for girls, that are interesting for girls,” she says, “as opposed to trying to shoehorn them into programs they have no interest in or don’t have friends participating in, things they don’t see as fun.”

Dawson also emphasizes the importance of role models who demonstrate physical activity at a young age.

“Statistics show that young girls are more likely to be active if their mom is active,” she says.

Sounds straightforward. And, indeed, the key to keeping more Canadian kids active, say the authors behind the report, could be keeping things simple.

“It doesn’t have to be the big hockey league or big, institutionalized sport,” says Rose. “It can be as simple as a pick-up game of hockey or soccer in the park in the summer.”

To do that, though, we may need to drop our obsession with being the best, says O’Sullivan.

“We’re so scared that we aren’t going to keep up that we’re doing all this stuff that goes against everything we know about how to make sports better.”

Parenting is hard

We need a licence as a proof of qualification for driving, teaching, doctoring and many more things. We believe that these things require professional qualification because it’ll be dangerous to have unqualified people perform these jobs.

Parenting is not an easy job. How a child is raised shape the kind of person they become in future. But despite the fact that parents have a very great impact on their children, no license is needed for being a parent.

Even the basic needs for a child can be a great challenge for parents.

You must have heard about the many sleepless nights a parent has to get over when their baby wakes up in the middle of the night crying for food; or the many times a toddler just want to be held in the arms instead of walking in the street even though the parent is already exhausted after a whole day out playing with the child etc.

Children depend on their parents for pretty much everything ranging from basic survival needs to care and guidance. They need attention and parents simply can’t ignore the attention their children need.

Aside from the basic survival needs such as feeding and accommodation; responsible parents should be aware of the children’s development too.

To teach children the right attitudes and values, parents have to be good role models.

Children tend to learn about morality from their family, so parents are responsible for being a role model and demonstrate the appropriate values to children. If a parent wants to teach their child about the importance of being honest, they should demonstrate honesty in front of them.

As children grow bigger and reach the stage of teenagers, it may be difficult for parents to communicate with them. Teens start to become aware of their individuality, and tend to question or even challenge their parents’ authority^[1] but this can be a great chance for parents to demonstrate their communication skills and respect of individuality when they try to talk with their young boys or girls.

Parents should show that they’re willing to listen to their children and openly talk about their thoughts. It is hard, but patience is the key to maintaining a good parent and child relationship here. When children feel that they’re being respected, and that their parents are treating them and talking with them like an adult, they’re more willing to talk about their issues and will also show respect to their parents and other family members.

Parenting is always about striking a balance; and it’s never easy even for anyone who’s not a parent.

Children are not like machines; there isn’t a standard way to input data that automagically leads to desirable ‘outcomes’. Parents have to learn how to properly nurture their children by striking a balance about discipline and freedom; and very often, they have to learn on the go by observation and accumulating experiences.

A good parent is able to be strict about certain boundaries while at the same time allowing their child plenty of freedom to explore and learn on their own.^[2] Setting boundaries which the child must stay within teaches them to respect others and to control themselves; on the other hand, giving a child enough room to develop themselves shows that the parent respects and trusts them.

After all, learning through experience is crucial to building a person’s character.

Bad parenting will have tremendous consequences, for both the children and the society.

We can look at an extreme example of this: in 2011, an 11-year-old was involved in a gun-relating crime, and was arrested for that.

Columbia County Juvenile Court Judge Doug Flanagan said,^[3]

I think we attribute it to parents who need to pay more attention to their children. The problem almost always starts at home. Some role models set poor standards for behavior and are unaware of their children’s habits.

Another example is, in 2009, a 6-year-old crashed his family’s car in an attempt to drive himself to school after missing the bus because his mother was sleeping at home.^[4] The boy allegedly “learned to drive” by playing the M-rated video game GTA.

These are just a few of millions of unfortunate stories of parents who set their children wrong boundaries and do not care for their needs as they should have, and ruin their future as a result. And good parenting can prevent all these from happening.

Besides all the challenges in raising children, parents have to make sacrifices in life, especially their pleasures.

This is particularly true for a new parent.

Besides all the necessities such as diapers, day-care, and medicine that parents have to spend on the children, they have to change the way they live and make sacrifices to a certain extent.

A good parent has to be willing to give up a lot of good nights’ sleep, the times to hang out with friends and the quiet ‘me time’ to just rest and do nothing.

Parents probably can’t have the used-to-be romantic times with just the couple having a dinner date or going out for a movie any more because most of their time and energies are spent on being with the children, and they simply prefer resting than any kinds of dating activities. It’s also hard for them to just put off their lovely children for some times.

However, going through the hardship of raising a child can also be an invaluable opportunity for the couple to understand themselves and each other better.

Parenting is not easy; but nothing worth it comes easy.

Now that you understand the many challenges that a parent faces, what do you think about the idea of having a parent’s license?

Even though there’s no licence for being a parent right now, parents should hold themselves accountable. Parenting should always be taken seriously and it’s good for parent-to-be to get better prepared before they welcome their children.

For instance, they can read books on parenting, join some parenting workshops and learn from other parents’ experiences. They can also look up to their own parents as role models, and reflect on their own childhood experiences.

But the lesson here is that, parenting is an art that can’t be underrated, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution to the challenges of parenting.

He said, “I don’t care what you say. You CAN NOT motivate people.”

We were pumped up to do great things in life after seeing an inspirational video. We rose up from the comfort of our chair and did a lot of work. The day after that — nothing. Sitting on the same chair, we had a Netflix movie marathon, and no work was done for that day. Why did this happen? Why didn’t we maintain the same amount of work in both days? It’s because we rely too much on motivation. There are 3 reasons relying on motivation can negatively affect our productivity.

1. We do things only when we’re inspired

“Yeah! I’m gonna do this s***!” thoughts rarely come. We can hope for motivation to greet us every day, but they rarely do. It’s as if motivation is the fuel that drives us to do things when it’s actually not. We need to always do what we want to do in life no matter how inspired we are feeling. Motivation can accelerate the things we do, but it shouldn’t be the thing that moves us.

2. We are prone to waste our day and stop halfway while doing things

Relying on motivation can cause the All-or-Nothing thinking. All-or-Nothing thinking is the tendency to do things perfectly or not do it at all. How does this apply to motivation? Imagine waking up with little motivation. For those who rely too much on motivation, they’ll decide to not do anything for the rest of the day because they are not highly inspired.

Other than that, we will find that when we are motivated on a particular day, and suddenly, bad things happen in the middle of the day. Snap! Our motivation crumbled like a fortress made of chalk. We gave up and called it a day. Why? Just because losing motivation made us think that the day’s not perfect. That’s not the way life goes. Start, middle or the end of the day — we need to use all three periods productively, whether we are motivated or not. Motivation doesn’t indicate perfection but movement does.

3. We will forget why we do the things we do in the first place

Motivation is just a feeling. Like any other feeling, it can come and go. We need more than a fleeting feeling to move us to do the things we do day by day. What we need to rely on is purpose and discipline. Purpose is needed to ensure that we live deliberately. Aren’t we born to do great things in life? Each one of us is a world-changer so make it our purpose to make a difference in the world. But purpose is not enough, we’ll need discipline to ensure that we can fulfil that purpose. Discipline ensures consistency and it’s the cure for laziness and procrastination. Purpose + Discipline = The magic pill for success.

Stop reading and start moving!

Again, motivation is not necessarily bad. It’s good to help us do things faster but it shouldn’t be the one making us do them in the first place. To sum it up, here’s the key take-away from this article:

1. Stop relying on motivation to help us be productive.
2. Focus on finding a purpose in life.
3. Be disciplined and do things consistently. (Don’t know how to improve your discipline? Read this Lifehack article to learn how).
4. Stop watching too many motivational clips from Rocky (that includes Rocky II, III, IV, and V too) and finish that homework, report, and whatever you should be doing right now.

Inspiration is for amateurs — the rest of us just show up and get to work. And the belief that things will grow out of the activity itself and that you will, through work, bump into other possibilities and kick open other doors that you would never have dreamt of if you were just sitting around looking for a great ‘art idea’.”
-Chuck Close, American artist who achieved fame as a photorealist through massive-scale portraits

Get going

We all know the value of achieving a goal, especially when it comes round to this time of year.

But all too often we begin that big project we love to do, decide this time we really are dedicated, put up pictures of slim models on the fridge and put the running trainers out ready by the door.

And then what happens? Ten days in and the resolve we had for New Year is as damp as the socks left on our radiators.

The problem with completing goals is that we meet one or two setbacks and something in us snaps. We think we can’t do it. Maybe we aren’t the fit person we imagined ourselves to be after all. Maybe that resolve was just a lofty other self that never could really exist.

Well, I’m here to reassure you, that fit person is real. You are capable of much more than you think right now. – It’s just the way you are going about getting your goal complete that is holding you back.

So here is some advice for how to keep that goal at the forefront of your mind, even when difficulties set in.

Breaking through your perceived threshold

As explained in the SEAL book¹, we all have a perceived threshold. But often we can push past this and achieve things we never believed were possible.

When asked how many push-ups Jesse Itzler, who spent time living with a navy SEAL could complete, he managed around eight. The navy SEAL told him that he believed he could do 100. He didn’t believe him, but after some encouragement Itzer began, doing them one by one, until he completed the 100 push-ups, something he never thought he could achieve.

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I’m not saying all of us should be navy seals or even have to do 100 push-ups. It’s the principle, that we can make this year the best year of our lives if we just push our boundaries a little further, and accomplish more than we ever have before.

Achieving more than we ever dreamed and pushing through until a task is done can be a huge confidence boost. Most people, however, don’t realize their true potential. Or, they don’t find the focus to continue, and so miss out to doing things that in twenty years time, they will never remember doing. 

Just begin

Start by simply asking yourself: ‘what is the smallest possible way I can contribute to my goal right now?’ It could be as simple as standing up. As getting dressed. Once done, you can go from there. Whenever we complete a task, even the smallest one, we feel good. True happiness comes from doing something and doing it well. From your life’s work. And from achieving what you set out to achieve.

Know why you want it

Anyone who knows anything about motivation knows that we are fickle creatures who can be easily swayed by emotions and change. We know that. The list of failed New Years resolutions (ours and others!) tells us that. So you need something that will push you to feel positive about your new habit. This is particularly important because you need to be dedicated to something, even when pain and/or boredom inevitably sets in.

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Know that pain is a part of the process

If you fail, or you hate doing it, don’t worry about it, and keep going. This is all a natural part of the process of working towards something. Even if you love something, there will always be hard days. These can be the most rewarding – they show how much you really care.

Focus

Most people these days find it hard to resist the temptations of life. This is a similar idea to the marshmallow test². Never before have we been so distracted; never before has it been so easy to do a million things all at once. The problem with this is that the quality of work goes down. And as this happens, it’s easy to fall into mediocrity. Those really doing well these days know how to shut their browser down, make a shake, and get to work. So try to shut off any distractions whilst you’re working towards your goal.

Don’t be realistic, dream big!

You don’t have to be realistic about your goals, but be realistic about the steps you take to get there. Most of us think small with dreams, but in order to get totally psyched about a dream of yours, it has to be something that inspires you.

Whatever it is you feel inspired to do, whether it be becoming an acrobatic at the Cirque du Soleil or learning three new languages this year. Go at 2017 with all the foolish optimism you can throw at it. Because the freer we are to believe in our dreams, the more wonderful a place the world will become, don’t you agree?

What kids need for success

The face of education is changing more in current times than perhaps it ever has before. Children need not only to learn information and academics, but also need to learn the skills that will help them grow into successful adults in the 21st century.According to Martin West from the Harvard Graduate School for Education there is a certain type of skill that all future employees need, “Basically we’re trying to explain student success educationally or in the labor market with skills not directly measured by standardized tests.”

Whether you’re a parent or a teacher, you need to ensure that the children you’re charged with are fostering each of these non-academic skills in their daily lives if you want to see them succeed.

1. Character

Building character is definitely nothing new to the 21st century. However, it’s still an incredibly important non-academic skill to focus on as children grow up in modern day society. They must be taught self-control, especially in an age in which so many stimuli are at their fingertips. We also must foster in our children a sense of curiosity about the world around them; and not in a superficial, “Let’s Google it” manner. Children must yearn to explore the world, and find answers for themselves rather than relying on a machine to give them everything. We should also build up our children’s confidence, so they are optimistic about their lives as they grow into young adults, so they can face the world knowing they can improve it in some way.

2. Social and Emotional Skills

In a world in which we’re increasingly isolated by computers, cell phones, and television, children need to learn how to interact with one another. They need to know how to treat each other, and how to address each other’s needs. Really, the only way they can do this is by being placed into social situations and monitored by a knowing and caring adult to help guide them when situations turn ugly. If a child’s social behavior is left unchecked, it could lead to multiple problems down the road.

3. Growth Mindset

Children should know they are constantly growing and learning. Yes, it is okay for kids to be kids, but they also should be constantly conscious of the fact that each experience they go through is a chance to learn something even in a non-academic setting. This will help them make the most out of bad situations, because they’ll always be looking at what they learned, rather than the fact that they messed up. They’ll also learn to be okay with messing up, as they’ll understand that life is a process of learning from one’s mistakes. When we stop learning, that’s when trouble starts to pile up. As Noah Webster (of Webster’s dictionary) once said, “The virtues of men are of more consequence to society than their abilities…for this reason, the heart should be cultivated.”

4. Non-cognitive Traits and Habits

Researchers are on the fence about the name of this characteristic, but in essence they are describing metacognitive skills. In other words, these are the non-academic skills that we use in order to know which other skills to use. For example, a child may know the multiplication tables by heart, but after reading a word problem, he might not know that he should be using multiplication to solve the problem. It’s important to focus not just on what skills to learn, but how to use them as well. Sometimes the development of these traits occurs in the typical problem-solving that goes along in regular life.

5. Grit

Life isn’t easy. The sooner children figure that out, the better off they’ll be. They need to learn that it’s totally okay to fail, as long as they pick themselves up and keep pushing until they succeed. They also need to understand the difference between passing by the skin of their teeth and passing with flying colors. One will earn them just enough to get by in life, but the other will allow them to truly get ahead. Being rigorous in all activities, and putting their all into everything they set out to do, is of utmost importance if children want to live their life to the fullest. Even something simple like asking your child, “What did you fail at today?” shows them that failure happens everyday but can be overcome with persistence or through another avenue.

6. 21st Century Skills

The Information Age has brought about a time in which we must become specialized in one area, while also exhibiting a variety of other skills as well. From an early age, children now learn how to collaborate and communicate with others, both physically and through the use of technology. They also need to think critically and be creative in finding solutions to problems that didn’t even exist twenty years ago. In doing so, the children of today will ensure that society continues to move forward tomorrow.

7. Soft Skills

This last set of non-academic skills is a bit of a misnomer. Any skill you can learn is important, so calling these skills “soft” makes them seem less so. However, now more than ever it is important that children learn the basics of professionalism. They need to know it’s important to be punctual, and to dress properly. They need to exhibit good manners and obey social conventions, not just during their working hours, but at all times. It’s increasingly important that children understand that their online persona will allow others to judge their real-life personality, so it’s important to be prudent both on and offline. If they don’t pay attention to these social conventions, all other skills they learn will ultimately be null and void.

Kids in digital age

Kids growing up now have great fun and learning experiences with new technology such as iPods, iPads, cell phones, skype, and podcasts. But, alarmingly, they are missing out on a whole range of learning, social interaction, physical activities, and emotional intelligence skills. Let me tell you what has happened to these kids. You cannot say you were not warned!

1. Kids are not playing outside anymore

More and more children are playing inside and are attached to their devices, computers, and video games. The UK government has got alarmed about the drop in the numbers of kids playing normal childhood games in the open air.

They have invested over £300 million to encourage teachers to do more sport in schools. They also want more kids to play games like hide-and-seek and hopscotch. The benefits are enormous as kids will be healthier, happier and less prone to obesity.

At the moment, about 33% of boys are not getting the recommended daily hour of exercise. The Play England site has loads of ideas on how to reconnect children with nature.

2. Kids are not learning through face-to-face interaction

How does a baby learn to express and judge emotion? How do they start to learn language? They do it by watching their parents’ facial expressions and they begin to become social creatures, acquiring essential skills which will be vital when they start playgroups and schools. But guess what is happening? The parents are increasingly absorbed in their electronic devices and cannot be bothered to even look, smile or coo at their own children! Watch parents in a café and you will see what I mean.

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The alarm was raised by several paediatricians. One of these, Dr. Jenny Radesky, actually carried out a study of 55 groups of parents while they were eating at fast food joints. She and her researchers spent a whole summer doing this. She does not claim that the study has been done scientifically but has just observed what is going on. Needless to say, she is urging parents to put away their smartphones and give their children some attention. It will be vital for their development.

3. Parent-kid relationships are negatively affected

The digital parents are opting out of parenting and this is unfair to the children. The use of devices was also having a very bad effect on the way the parents actually interacted with their kids. There was a lot of negative, harsh interaction when it actually took place. It also made parents more cranky.

This is mentioned by Dr. Wendy Sue Swanson of Seattle Children’s Hospital in her blog. She recommends that making boundaries for use of digital devices is very important, so that real parenting can be done. She also says that both kids and parents should take digital breaks together.

4. Kids’ reading ability may be affected

There is not much research on this. But one initial study done by the Schugars of West Chester University suggests that the kids reading comprehension could be negatively affected. Their study showed that the kids who read paper books were better at comprehension than those who were using only ebooks. Kids on ebooks were inclined to skip the text and concentrate on all the interactive visual features such as popups. The best solution would be to encourage kids to read more paper books.

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5. Kids have never played board games

Kids are online most of the time. Figures show that this has jumped by 38% since 2009. Whatever happened to those board games? Look at all the benefits a child gets, when you play together:

• Child learns vocabulary, counting, math, reading
• You can bond with him or her
• Child learns about turn-taking, winning and losing
• She or he can gain confidence, builds self esteem
• Satisfies competitive urges
• Increases attention span and focus
• Helps concentration

While many games and apps on smartphones are also good at building some learning skills, they can never replace the human interaction.

6. Kids do not know what real friendship means

When we grew up, we had friends, real friends. Virtual friends did not exist. Look at today’s teems who can count up to a few hundred friends on Facebook. The problem is that they have never seen most of them and they only know them very superficially through a virtual friend of a friend. Staying connected is great and today’s teens send an average of 3,000 texts a month.

But it seems that the concept of friendship and intimacy is being irrevocably changed and this will impact relationships later on. Studies at UCLA show that digital bonding is considerably less than real face-to-face interaction.

7. Kids are losing their creativity

Trevor Baylis, the famous inventor of the wind up radio, fears that children are not getting the hands on experience that he got when he was a boy. This is affecting their creativity. He learned about putting things together by playing with a Meccano set or by building model aeroplanes and so on. Few kids now never get their hands on games like this. Everything is done for them.

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8. Kids are not learning empathy

Being tolerant, caring and controlling your emotions are life skills that will serve you well. But the digital era kids are not learning any of these skills at all. You cannot empathize with a device, at least, not yet! The best way is to play with other kids and to learn about sharing, turn-taking and giving. No, I don’t think there’s an app for that yet!

9. Kids’ scores in math and reading are not increasing

Look at what is going on in the Kyrene School District. They have invested over $33 million on updating classroom technology. Students get to create Facebook pages based on Shakespearian characters. Some choose song tracts and rapper tunes to match the mood of a character in a play or novel. It is all innovative and very exciting. The only problem is that the test scores in math and reading in this school district have remained just the same as in 2005 when there was no high tec in the schools.

10. Kids are getting no input on values and attitudes

The lack of real social interaction with parents and peers means that there is less and less time spent on teaching core values such as tolerance, kindness, honesty, diligence and respect. The devices are great for some learning activities but the parent-child relationship is becoming tenuous.

11. Kids are losing sleep

Dr. Kimberley Young, Director of the Center for Internet Addiction Recovery, has warned that children may lose track of time while they are online. This has serious consequences for doing household tasks and chores. It also affects their mood and they become irritable when they are forced to switch off. One of the most serious aspects is loss of sleep because this impacts on schoolwork the following day.

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12. Kids need supervision

Parents should be on the alert for any sort of online addiction. They themselves have to set the example and make sure that there is a balance between more traditional games and online activities. A happy balance can be achieved with these tips:

• Use Skype together to bond with grandparents
• Play video games together
• Negotiate digital break times where both parents and kids switch off all devices
• Encourage outdoor activities when possible

Digital media is here to stay. They are great learning and entertainment tools but they need to be used with caution and not at the expense of real face-to-face interaction.